Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
