Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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