i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
