I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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