what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
