Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
