Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
