Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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