You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
