I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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