She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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