connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
