Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
