it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
