who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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