You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
