So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
