Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
