no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
