he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
