I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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