i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
