Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
