That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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