Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
