Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
50% drunk capacity currently
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
