Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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