Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
