he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
