i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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