Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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