Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
