What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
