i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
