I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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