I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
