Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
two words: eviction party
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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