she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
