dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize