She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
