the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
