That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
