i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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