If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
