So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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