smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
We left the knife in your bed.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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