I am in a vortex of obligation.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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