I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
