I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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