Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize