Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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