Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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