Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
