My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize