when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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