Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
