No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
