I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
