i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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