So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Randomize
