And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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