Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
