My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
