I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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