I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
