It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
