I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Houston, we have a squirter
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize